The Offside Law

[Keith]

The approach of The World Cup with its blanket television coverage wants again prompts many in the media to try and give the explanation, mainly for the benefit of woman, of the technicalities of the offside rule. No doubt the prime motive is to get woman more involved and interested and so end the constant moaning and the battle of power for the remote control.

As us blokes realise the fundamental purpose of such a rule is so the attacking side don't gain an unfair advantage.

Now woman will never grasp this concept. Its not because they can't get their pretty little heads around the actual physical movements involved. The obstacle is much more simple.

The fact is that they spend the entire lives trying to gain an unfair advantage (usually at the expense of blokes) that their brains will not allow them to think that it is wrong.

So lets not waste our time

[Tony Quinlan]

OFFSIDE FOR WOMEN
- apologies to the female referees on the board!!!

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop
assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which
you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them
with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had
no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop
and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other
shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,
*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch
the purse and buy the shoes.

Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it
would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.