SMS Jokes.

[Punter]

My knee's are fucked too Slick, 28 years of bending, lifting, standing in the same spot on hard factory floors. No shit, my knees will go first. They give you all the health and safety bollocks about lifting with your back straight and your knees bent but years on and my knees are fucked from it, or at least partly from it.
Every week i have to crouch down around 80 times (you can hear them crack), to thread banding under a pallet, it's painful to get back up and i aint even lifting anything. I'm on and off a fork truck about 80 times a week too.
My knees are fucked.... but i dont like to mention it

4 tonne Wins, fuck that does sound a killer. I need to sort my garden but for the past 13 years i've been scared of the hard work involved so i've left it. For me, the best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig!
TDP and a coupon has always been a better option anyway. I dont generally get anything done at home, i still havent given up the dream of landing a big payout and paying some fucker else to do it for me yet though

Police are hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' Who's stabbed 6 people in 24 hours. . . they believe he's following some sort of pattern!!

[Earthmover]

Following the riots and looting in Tottenham a large number of Scousers will now not travel down for Saturdays Spurs v Everton match, due to fears that all the best stuff has already been stolen

[Earthmover]

Apparently a masked superhero double act were seen on the streets of tottenham,,,,,

Blackman and Robbing

[Gavster]

Ngongo Mwambi has to travel 5 miles every day for fresh water and 7 miles for food...

...this is because the daft black twat torched Croydon Spar and Tottenham KFC and he now has to walk to Peckham for breakfast.

[Tom Sawyer]

tottenham sign new striker from italy,a promising young striker called bagatelli.

[Earthmover]

My mate Paddy was amoung the rioters who ransacked Argos in Manchester last week.

He's got 500 catalogues if you want one

[Hopeless]

1 Million price tag put on Gaddafi's Head........Man City have put in a bid of 40 million.