SMS Jokes.

[Seen]

Originally Posted by Kop66

I know that Seen, it's just something the Utd boys seem to have forgotten.



Your just pissed at me cause i kiss of deathed you horse last night arent you

yes!

[smk415]

Not jokes but funny as fuck,

My good friend Kelvin “Dr Quansoon” Quansah sent me this list of superb double entendres that have been aired on British TV & Radio, enjoy:

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - “And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - “Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.”
3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - “This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - “Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.”
5. US PGA Commentator - “One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ….. Oh my god!! What have I just said??”
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team Live’ said: “You’d eat beaver if you could get it.”
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, “So Bob, where’s that eight inches you promised me last night?” Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: “Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.”
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: “There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”
10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: “Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.”
11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked: They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.”
12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: “Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”

If you have anything you’d like to see on this blog then don’t hesitate to contact me. You can even put it on your CV that you contributed to Pete Graham’s Peteamania blog, that’s bound to land you your next job or the promotion you’ve been after.
Pete Graham xXx





this is the link Peteamania double entendre


if nobody can laugh at these, then ill stick up jerry seinfeld, and i hate that cunt

[Bigkegman]

Renault & Ford are building a new car between them designed to beat the credit crunch. Based on the popular 'CLIO' and 'TAURUS' models, the brand new 'CLITAURUS' will ONLY be available in pink, comes with a free tuna scented air freshener and also is avaialble with an optional furry dash!

[Bigkegman]

In a survey published today, 64% of Iranians thought the recent elections were rigged,
2% didnt have an opinion,
and 134% thought it was above board.

[Bigkegman]

---

Once every month, when me and the wife have sex, we like to role play.

I always have to imagine myself as a greengrocer, as she insists on playing the part of a sack of spuds.

[Bigkegman]

Breaking News..

Real Madrid have asked Manchester United for the £80m spent on Ronaldo to be given back, becuase apparently Primark have a sale on selling big girls blouses at a cheaper £4.99.

[Bigkegman]

---

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...

[Bigkegman]

Michael Jackson cancelled his British tour after finding out that £2000 for a ten year old actually refers to the car scrapping scheme

[smk415]

Seeing the cruxification thread made me remember this


whats the first mention of football in the bible?

Jesus went for the cross, ohhh,he just got nailed............ ooer

[slick]

Barak Obama is a big fan of Susan Boyal. He says he will enlist her help in the war against terror.
He will use posters of her to show young arabs what a virgin really looks like!

[thesaint]

Worst joke ever -

What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish!

[slick]

little johnny comes down stairs and asks his dad " whats love juice ??"
shocked johnny's dad decides its time he knew abit about the facts of life and starts to tell him about making love and vaginal fluids etc ........
little johnny just sits there in horror then turns round and starts to head back up stairs to his bedroom.
dad says " anyway son , why did you ask a question like that"

johnny replies "I'm watching the tennis"

[MrJol]

My mate has come home from work today to find his missus has cleared off.

Not only that...... but she's taken with her, his entire Bob Marley collection and his satellite dish.........................No Woman No Sky !!!!

[Punter]

[slick]

Fcuk me thats bad MrJol, whats happened to all the good jokes seems every time the footy season ends so do the gags, heres one thats even worse i was sent the other day...

2 men walking down the road see a blind dog shagging a cabbage.
One bloke sez to the other, "poor bugger, must av thought it was a collie"!