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Jokes in here 2
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08-10-2006, 18:24
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Jokes in here 2
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth.
The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso,arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Whooosh! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts in to a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Whooosh! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink "! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Whooosh! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees, tearfully giving thanks!! The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....then to the right ... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"  
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08-10-2006, 18:27
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Re: Jokes in here 2
....and what was his favourite line every birthday and christmas...............
"Fuckin hell - not another hat" 
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08-10-2006, 18:40
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Re: Jokes in here 2
I prefered Mydog's joke better myself folk. what about you?
I thought it was 'a pair of football boots' wee johnny who was only a head had'?
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08-10-2006, 19:16
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Re: Jokes in here 2
Yes it made me laugh when I first heard it Komp. Brings back memories of long hot summer days and the miner's strike
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08-10-2006, 20:03
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Re: Jokes in here 2
and sharing baths and the tv always going on strike even though it finished at midnight with the national anthem and the little white dot
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09-10-2006, 21:04
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Re: Jokes in here 2
Whats do Richard Hammond and Elton John have in common?
They both have skid marks on there helmet! <!-- / message -->
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09-10-2006, 21:11
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Re: Jokes in here 2
What does Richard Hammond and Kate Moss got in common ?
They both got smashed on Top Gear.............
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09-10-2006, 21:12
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Re: Jokes in here 2
I bought Steve Irwin's wet suit from e-bay and it arrived to day but the bloody thing has got a hole in it !
Do you think I've been stung ?
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10-10-2006, 19:39
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Re: Jokes in here 2
Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?
A: He felt his presents.<!-- / message -->
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14-10-2006, 18:23
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Re: Jokes in here 2
thats an old fav of mine Mydog. Its good in front of a large audience as you mimic him feeling his presents.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A BABOOM!
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14-10-2006, 18:24
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Re: Jokes in here 2
Knock! Knock!
Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Co...... MOOOOOOO!!! repeat till ad finitum(??)
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15-10-2006, 00:20
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Re: Jokes in here 2
Nike have just launched their new line of trainers designed specifically for Lesbo's..........they have a %50 longer tongue and you can get them off with one finger
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15-10-2006, 07:05
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Re: Jokes in here 2
Strange, designing a set of trainers specifically for use on a Greek Island
 I think they may have dropped a bollock in their marketing on this one.
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15-10-2006, 10:29
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Re: Jokes in here 2
Hang your head in shame Slick , ODM`s reply is funnier than the joke....
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18-10-2006, 18:49
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Re: Jokes in here 2
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,
when behind him he hears: BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... On his heels, the terrified man runs. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps!! With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket... (hopefully you're really ready for this!!!) The coffin stops!
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